so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
