You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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