just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
