The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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