I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
