Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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