oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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