out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
