dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Randomize
