omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
