Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
