I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
