Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
