i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
