Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
