I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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