You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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