I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
