My sheets look like a crime scene.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
