My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
