yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
