you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
