You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
