i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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