you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
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