Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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