I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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