I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
