It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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