why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
