Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
