mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
