At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
