apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
