WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
