you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
