This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
