So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
