saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
lol hangovers are for mortals.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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