small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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