remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
