Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
