i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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