he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
worst night to have a conscience
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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