I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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