We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
