The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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