she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
