Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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