Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
