sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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