Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
