That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
