LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
