Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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