Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
